What Exactly Is BDSM Anyways?

 

Asking what exactly BDSM is will reward you with a different answer every time. To some people, BDSM is simply an added component to their sex lives. A lot of people enjoy the kinky aspects which come from pain, sex toys, role play and so forth, and therefore keep BDSM strictly in the sexual domain.

However, other people might tell you that BDSM is an entire lifestyle choice. The idea of BDSM is for two people to connect in ways which other outlets are unable to offer, whether this be through sexual experimentation or more extreme experiences. There are many different types of BDSM relationship, however, most of them incorporate two distinct roles: the dominant and the submissive.

The question which usually presents itself at this point is: how does BDSM create an unbreakable connection between two people? Well, the answer lies in the simple concept of therapy

Most BDSM activity occurs within the realm of role play. While certain people may identify as dominant or submissive or any other term in their everyday lives, when we transpose these terms into BDSM play, each partner is simply playing the roles of their respective labels. The dominant hasn’t genuinely subdued the submissive against their will, nor is the submissive being subject to degradation they didn’t agree upon beforehand.

Both parties have entered a mutually agreed-upon situation, albeit one which feels entirely real for both of them. Therefore, when the dominant inflicts genuine, physical pain upon the submissive, the role play aspect of the situation slowly disappears. Pain is real. The red marks being left upon their body is real. There’s nothing fake about being spanked, caned or flogged.

At some point in our lives, we all experience negative feelings which we can’t quite shake off. Guilt, self-loathing, depression – feelings which can arise from all manner of experiences, perhaps from traumatic childhood incidents or a violent upbringings. There are an above-average number of people in the fetish scene who report that their upbringings haven’t been kind of them. These kinds of experiences can instill a sense of loneliness or abandonment in these people, of which no therapist in the world could cure via conversation alone.

What BDSM play does is allow both the dominant and submissive to do is replay these situations within a “safe” context. Because of the unconditional trust between both parties, this allows them to freely experience these negative situations (pain, helplessness, abuse) in a way they can control.

The physical side of BDSM is only one part of it, however, it is necessary in order to address the players’ psychological needs. For example, the dominant may have felt weak or powerless during his childhood years, and therefore uses dominant role play as a means to overcome these feelings of inadequacy. Likewise, the submissive may recreate times in their life when they had been hurt or wronged, or perhaps they’re someone who has to be dominant in their everyday lives (parents, teachers, managers) and so wishes to relinquish this responsibility for a brief period.

Recreation of past traumas is considered to be the most efficient way of coming to terms with them. You’ve probably heard the “face your fears” before, and this is exactly what BDSM does.

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